Monday, May 14, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse and Hot Flashes



I swear, sometimes it sucks to get old.  Your metabolism takes a vacation while you are in your forties and never comes back.  Losing weight becomes work where you have to schedule your exercise time and try to stick with it.  The foods you used to enjoy are now your enemy, increasing your blood pressure, raising your cholesterol, and bloating your belly. 

Let’s not forget the increase in visits to your doctor.  His receptionist knows who you are as you walk in the door and ask how the family is.  The nurse walks you in and towards the torture machine, the dreaded scale. After you remove all the clothes you can legally take off, you step on and pray for a loss.  Next is the room where the nurse takes your blood pressure.  Of course it is high because of being at the doctor’s office which is stressing you out.  The doc walks in and asks how the hubby is and then the kids.  He then expresses concern of the blood pressure and weight.  You know he will order a blood test and it is a good thing you haven’t eaten since the night before.  Of course that is not all the tests he wants to do.  Oh yeah, he wants you to go to the Nazi boob lady and have her squeeze your breasts flat as a pancake.  Your boobs start aching at the very thought of a mammogram!  After that, you tell him about the constant hot flashes and then he says those five little words you just hate to hear, “You are going through menopause”.  The hot flashes are part of the progression which could last a few years.  REALLY!!!  Holy shit!!!  The summers are like ovens here and I will be even hotter because I am going through menopause!

What are hot flashes exactly?  “A hot flash is a very brief feeling of heat which is followed by a red, flushed face and sweating.  There is not an exact reason why this happen, just that is related to changes in circulation.  When the blood vessels near the skin’s surface dilate to cool, it will manufacture that red, flushed look to the face.  Usually, sweating will occur with some experiencing a rapid heartbeat or chills."

Jeez, I don’t know which is worse, hot flashes or the zombie apocalypse.  Hot flashes can last for years where the apocalypse is more immediate.  Zombies don’t go through menopause (the change) because they don’t age.  The only change they go through is going from human to a zombie which is usually instantaneous.  After weighing all the information, I come to the conclusion that hot flashing and menopause is far worse than the zombie apocalypse.  At least this is how I feel now.   Perhaps after this  is over and menopause is behind me, I might think differently. 

She is not happy because she went through menopause and then became a zombie.  That sucks!

10 comments:

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    1. Thanks Kateri, I am trying different pills and other things to get a handle on these hot flashes.

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  2. Stiff joints, and a slow mind--the other outcome of menopause, so basically you are going through the zombie transformation. It will be upon me before long too. You will have to give me advice because my solution would be to move to Alaska and wear a tank top and shorts.

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    1. Alaska in shorts and a tank top sounds like heaven right now!

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  3. At age 61, though I've never gone through menopause, I can relate to the general age issue. OTOH, I have more energy and a much better outlook on life nowadays than I had through most of my late teen years, well into my late twenties. Sooner or later I'll be done, dead and cremated, but in the meantime I'm counting my blessings!

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    1. My friend told me that after she finally went through menopause, she has never felt better. I am 53 and my sister is 56 and we are both going thru the exact thing. We are wondering who will finish first, lol.

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  4. I feel your pain. i'm going through the same thing. but i'm not taking anything. letting nature take it's course.

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    1. Right now Sandra I am not taking anything either. I am having trouble dealing with the hot flashes. I am looking for nature remedies to make them easier to live with. I have other ladies telling me what worked for them. I am at the point now where I plan to try some of them. I don't want to go through an AZ summer hot flashing. It will be worse than hell.

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  5. Ha! I think that first picture of Stella pretty much sums up what every woman feels about menopause! I hope you can find a way to tame those hot flashes!

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    1. Haha, she does have an annoyed look on her face. I am looking into a couple of things to lessen the hot flashes until this is over.

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