Zombie Apocalypse and Hot Flashes

I swear, sometimes it sucks to get old.  Your metabolism takes a vacation while you are in your forties and never comes back.  Losing weight becomes work where you have to schedule your exercise time and try to stick with it.  The foods you used to enjoy are now your enemy, increasing your blood pressure, raising your cholesterol, and bloating your belly. 

Let’s not forget the increase in visits to your doctor.  His receptionist knows who you are as you walk in the door and ask how the family is.  The nurse walks you in and towards the torture machine, the dreaded scale. After you remove all the clothes you can legally take off, you step on and pray for a loss.  Next is the room where the nurse takes your blood pressure.  Of course it is high because of being at the doctor’s office which is stressing you out.  The doc walks in and asks how the hubby is and then the kids.  He then expresses concern of the blood pressure and weight.  You know he will order a blood test and it is a good thing you haven’t eaten since the night before.  Of course that is not all the tests he wants to do.  Oh yeah, he wants you to go to the Nazi boob lady and have her squeeze your breasts flat as a pancake.  Your boobs start aching at the very thought of a mammogram!  After that, you tell him about the constant hot flashes and then he says those five little words you just hate to hear, “You are going through menopause”.  The hot flashes are part of the progression which could last a few years.  REALLY!!!  Holy shit!!!  The summers are like ovens here and I will be even hotter because I am going through menopause!

What are hot flashes exactly?  “A hot flash is a very brief feeling of heat which is followed by a red, flushed face and sweating.  There is not an exact reason why this happen, just that is related to changes in circulation.  When the blood vessels near the skin’s surface dilate to cool, it will manufacture that red, flushed look to the face.  Usually, sweating will occur with some experiencing a rapid heartbeat or chills."

Jeez, I don’t know which is worse, hot flashes or the zombie apocalypse.  Hot flashes can last for years where the apocalypse is more immediate.  Zombies don’t go through menopause (the change) because they don’t age.  The only change they go through is going from human to a zombie which is usually instantaneous.  After weighing all the information, I come to the conclusion that hot flashing and menopause is far worse than the zombie apocalypse.  At least this is how I feel now.   Perhaps after this  is over and menopause is behind me, I might think differently. 

She is not happy because she went through menopause and then became a zombie.  That sucks!